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Reader Question – broken heart

May 1, 2018

How do you love yourself when you have a broken heart?


Heartbreaks are a tough one.  I know.  I’m the biggest fool when it comes to them.  When I look back at who I’ve been through each, I wince with embarrassment.  And that’s being kind to myself.

The truth about heartbreaks is simple.  It’s this: let them go.  If somebody walks from your life, their part in your story is finished.  Any future story you created about them no longer exists.  There is only one story and that is the story of you.  Look forward to the greater story you will create.

Simple, right?  Sure.  Easy?  No way.  One of the hardest things to ever learn.  To put into practice, even harder.  Here’s one thing that helps: in those moments of pain, of missing, of hurting, ask yourself the question:

“if I loved myself truly and deeply, would I let myself experience this?”

The answer, is no.  The answer is that if you loved yourself truly and deeply, you would nurture yourself, you would do whatever it takes to heal and move forward and be the person who attracts a far better loved one.

Simple, right?  Easy?  Somewhat.  Key is to remember the question, ask yourself again and again and take action from that place until it is a normal way of being.

Here is another thing that helps.  Remembering that we are not alone.  There’s an old story I often remind myself.  Once, a woman came to the Buddha.  Her son had just died, she was in immense pain.

“Get my child back to me,” she said.  “Please.”

The Buddha was quiet, then said to her.  “Ok.  I will.”

She looked at him, surprised.  Hopeful.

“But first,” he said, “you must do one thing.  Bring me a cup of oil from the house that has lost no one.”

She left right away, went to the village, knocking on doors, asking the people inside if they hadn’t lost anybody.  At first, she was energized, running, knocking, asking, then on to the next one.  By the end, it was a slow walk.  A walk of understanding.  Everyone had lost someone.  In the end, she returned to the Buddha and bowed.

She’d learned the most important lesson in human pain – we are not alone.  Everyone has experienced the pain of loss.  It is a fundamental part of life.  A fundamental part of this human journey.

That helps me, the reminder that whatever I’m feeling, every single human being has felt.  None of us are alone, experiencing a special kind of pain.  In the end, pain is pain, and all we can do is accept the reality of what is, and work to create a better personal story for the future.  That is part of the magic of being human.  That helps.

2 Comments leave one →
  1. Anonymous permalink
    May 1, 2018 10:03 pm

    Having just re-read for about the 80th time your book…Love yourself ….this time it just clicked..took me about 80 times reading it..but this time I got it…and I also found my go to phrase when I’m wobbling..”I’ve got this”…makes a difference…just switches my brain to where I need and want to love. My thanks as always Kamal. JC

  2. Kristine permalink
    May 2, 2018 8:18 am

    Timely, Kamal. *smile*

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